Last night I went into the Nursing Home to work from 7pm to 7am--my usual hours.
A few Tech Assistants sat together, drinking coffee sharing their most frightening experiences as young Techs.
It was 3am and My Lady and I were in the TV room--in the right spot at the right time.
Sitting at a table and minding my own business, I overheard the Tech tell this story: “Boy did I have an experience the first time I was asked to help in the body clean up of a deceased resident." It is customary that the funeral director is called to the room and picks up a "clean" body. Then he sees to the body transfer to a funeral home.
She continued, "It was eerie to work on a deceased body. I was holding and cleaning the arm of this lady in the bed when all of a sudden the deceased lady began sitting up slowly in the bed. I freaked out, jumped back and started yelling. My experienced helper put her gloved hands up to calm me down. She was laughing so hard."
"Then I noticed that she pulled up on the deceased lady’s knee and moved it off the bed control that was hanging on the inside of the bed that was lifting the front of the bed. It took me a long time to think that this was funny. Many Tech smiles went on for weeks..."

Gotta joke... Thanks Don.

An upset woman went in crying into a pharmacy. The pharmacist said, "How can I help you?" She said, "I need some cyanide now." The pharmacist said, "I can't give you cyanide. It's a poison."

She held up a photo and said, "Here look...that's my husband in bed with a pharmacist's wife." The pharmacist took the photograph and said, "Oh, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

What is That?!

The Nursing Home room was dimly lit. The old lady yelled, “There is it! That’s my eye!” The student Tech shivered all over. Not thinking, she had picked up a plastic brown eyeball with her surgical-gloved hands after she had helped the owner, an elderly black lady, bend over to move from the bed to the wheelchair. The young Tech quickly threw it down. Gross!

The old woman yelled, “Hey, pick it up. Be careful, Know how expensive my eye is?” The Tech looked down, grossed out, to keep from stepping on it and left refusing, “No way. No way!” It was her first day of work in this Nursing Home and she could have sworn that she heard that old lady laughing out loud as she left. Not funny! Being new, the young Tech was later encouraged as well as tactfully reprimanded.

In time the old lady and the Tech became friends. The black lady had been diagnosed with an eye problem, had surgery but she eventually lost her eye. An eye transplant was next, but her brown eye was replaced with a blue eye. She then had a black eye and a light blue one. The old lady told the Tech, “It gave me the “heebie jeebies. It was like some old white woman’s eye was looking at me.” The doctor remedied that problem with a dark brown contact to cover that blue eye. Eventually the eye had to be removed and was replaced with a brown plastic eye that would fall out of its socket when the old lady would lean over too far which brings us back to the beginning of this story.

Get Me Out of This Dream...

Late one night, I was listening to the anguish of people, in our present economy, who were talking about things they were doing to keep from losing their jobs.

That next morning, I was asleep and an observer in a Peanuts Comic Strip. Linus was carrying a bucket of blue paint and had painted himself all blue. He was trying to convince Lucy to paint herself all blue and was handing her the blue paintbrush full of dripping paint. He told Lucy that if she painted herself all blue, both of them could hide in a Smurf Comic Strip. Then I woke up.

"Ryan, Stop!"

Okay, I hadn't seen my single daughter, Jen over the weekend.
When she came over and lovingly sat down with me, her Momma, her dog, Lexi, jumped up on her and started climbing all over her body and tried licking her face. The dog was so glad to see her and was so persistent and didn't stop.
It was then that Jen said, "Ryan, Stop!" (?????) I looked at her and said, "What's with that?" Ha? We both looked at each other and broke up laughing... More than I wanted to know.

Retired Liar is Happily Retired...

As you see in the picture of me and my Kid, it was fun today cutting up with her for a few moments.
I know, this is not the kinda profound comments you were expecting on this blog, but I am so happy with my retired life that I can almost sing which would be a miracle. I don't sing anymore. Actually, I stop singing when I found out that I was not singing alto, but I was really singing soprano, only an octave lower...ha!
I was so happy NOT knowing this. ha!

The older I get, I think I look more like my Mom and her side of of our family with the squinty eyes. Of course, the camera phone was real close which explains why my right eye looks like it is checking out my nose....hum?

I am minding my own business...

...and all of a sudden I get this whiff of something rank. I look around. I don't see anything dead...then I see the cow hoof that I brought Jen's dog, Lexi, to chew on. It is at my feet since I am sitting on the couch watching a movie on Streaming Nexflix...which is nice!
Stink? That must be it! However, as I reach down to pick it up, Lexi jumps up on the couch, in my face, and sticks her nose in my eye. Besides the obvious discomfort with my eye, I realize...Whoa! Lexi is the one who smells so bad. She has been chewing on that hoof and her mouth and face with all that hair smells atrocious.
Smart me! I went with the suggestion of buying the hoof instead of rawhide, since I felt that pieces of rawhide surely can't be good for a dog's digestive system. And Lexi needs to be chewing on something all the time.
"Come here, Lexi, time for a ba..., Lexi..Lexi..where are you?"As you can see in the photo, I found Lexi and the hoof on my bed with her paw on it. Lexi got that bath and I got some exercise.

Okay, this is sadder...

God created this beautiful, turquoise, dragonfly which unfortunately hovered over the water in the Gulf of Mexico.
An oil drilling platform exploded and has released millions of gallons of crude oil over the last 2 months. This dragonfly is among the many insects, birds, fish, and mammals that are in danger! Poor dragonfly...

This photo is sad for me...

I had to throw away my Birthday Flowers.
I had kept them as long as I could.
These were the last of the bunch. My Survivors! The other flowers had been thrown out
one by one.



Leaning on the cabinet in a trash bag, these flowers were living out their last moments in the apartment. Next, it was tie up the bag and Boom! Out to the trash! Good bye my friends.

Serrano Peppers! Burn!

Last week, I wanted to celebrate being with Ryan and Jeni. It was just another day, but they are so much fun to be around.
I went to a Mexican market to look for a dessert and bought two slices of Pastel de Tres Leches (Trans: Three Milk Cake). While there I saw some fresh cactus and decided to teach them how to make cactus and eggs.

The serrano pepper has better flavor than the jalapeno pepper; but in Nashville, these peppers have been mild, like bell peppers--not hot at all.
So, I bought a handfull of serrano peppers, some ripe tomatoes, an onion and decided to make some fresh blended hot sauce.
This was going to be fun cooking cactus. I took all to Jen's and asked Ryan to wash the already cut cactus. I asked Jen to de-vein the serrano pepper. She was doing this so carefully with a knife. Impatiently, I just picked up the serrano, popped it open with my index finger, like I had done with jalapenos so many times before, then proceeded to de-vein and tear out the seeds and membrane that carry the heat in the chile. I have to admit I was smarting off. Hey, I did remember to wash my hands; but had forgotten how the serrano oil was so much more potent than pickled jalapeno.
All of a sudden I started sneezing. It was the fumes of the chile at hand. I accused them both of spilling some black pepper. I had just grabbed my nose while sneezing when all of a sudden my skin under my nose on my top lip began to BURN. I had itched my eyebrow and now it was BURNING. I was on fire!!! Jen gave me some Neosporin for my face that helped. I washed my hands many times after that. Silly me!
Whew that was over! .. or that's what I thought. That night, when I got home and took off my one contact, I accidentally touched my eye with my index de-veiner finger. BURN!!! It was not over! I hopped and screamed. I washed my hands again, and again and finally took a shower! The next morning, I reluctantly opened my contact case, cleaned it and slowly moved it near my eye and thought I could smell the oil or maybe I just remembered the pain and decided to throw it ALL away...contact case and all in the trash! Whew! Finally gone. Go Nashville! Now we have HOT serranos!

Hey Gringo, about Cactus...Part 2

Back to the cactus You will be looking to buy the one on the left not the right. Do you see the difference?
As food, cactus is available year-round. Cactus leaves are at their peak in the spring when their young tender paddle-shaped leaves give off a juicy cactus flavor which is something like eating a string bean, bell pepper and a hint of lemon. When these cleaned flat leaves are cut into small pieces or strips they are called Nopalitos. To order a plate of nopalitos in an authentic Mexican restaurant, you will receive an omelet of cactus and egg.

To make your own cactus meal, you will need to shop a Mexican market where you can purchase fresh cactus (look for the smallest, most tender) or sometimes you will find the cactus cleaned and diced in a zip-lock bag. You don't need much. "It goes a long way."

Here in Nashville, I get excited when I pass by the front yard of a home where someone has been nurturing a flat-leaf cactus plant (Yay!!) and it has new tender leaves. I try to remember where it just in case I get hungry for a fresh cactus omelet--- A knife blade, a bag and darkness...that's all I need.

Instructions to Prepare Cactus: When you purchase cactus, be sure to wash it before you slice and dice it. If you wash it after you cut it, the water will act like okra juice--viscous and stringy. (No matter, throw it in anyway! ha!) Use a heavy skillet on medium high heat. Add a little flavorful margarine to saute a small fist-full of diced onion. After a couple of minutes, add a large fist full of fresh cleaned diced cactus. After cooking together for about another 3 minutes, add a sprinkle of garlic powder and about half a cup of average-size cut fresh cilantro leaves. When all of this has meld for another 2 minutes on medium high heat, add about 4-6 well beaten fresh eggs and lower the temperature to finish cooking the egg. Add salt to taste at this time. If you like spicy flavor, add some hot sauce to taste. Delicioso! Serve on toast or tortillas or just eat as is.

Hey Gringo! Let me tell you about Cactus...

Cactus Leaves or Nopales (noh-PAH-lehs) are leaves that make up a Mexican flat leaf cactus called nopal.

In Mexico these cactus are readily visible as very large living barriers to separate one property from another. Cattle ranchers have used walls of this flat-leaf cactus as hedges all around their homes. They are also an inexpensive fence for ranchers to use to keep their cattle from crossing a road.
For example, after the Pan American Highway that goes from Texas through Mexico to Central America was built, many a tourist, going 50 miles an hour around a corner, had been "taken out" by a cow or a horse that just happened to be crossing the Pan Am Highway. There was a lot of safety complaints so Mexico had large tunnels built under the Pam Am so that Mexican ranchers and their cattle could cross this Highway without fear of losing the cattle or the rancher's life.
Matter of fact, I have a lawyer uncle who lived in Mexico City and boasted that he drove his American Cadillac 100 miles an hour through Mexico. In the 1970's, he and his wife were "taken out" on a secondary highway in Northern Mexico--the authorities thought it was done by an animal, but nothing was left except a broken speedometer that read 100--but that's another story.

Check out more about cactus: www.sierramadrecactus.ca/